The Prank Letters of S. William Kost

Over the last ten years, I have written dozens of joke letters, sometimes under pseudonyms, to companies large and small in America and around the world. Many of these companies have written back.


Thursday, February 09, 2006

Spaghetti Warehouse, Inc. 3/19/96

S. William Kost
P.O. Box 598
Clackamas, OR 97015

March 19, 1996

Spaghetti Warehouse, Inc.
Attn.: Personnel Manager
9009 Regency Square Blvd.
Jacksonville, FL 32211


Dear Manager,

I recently became aware of your company when I was looking through the Jacksonville telephone directory. I was at the library helping my blind cousin Fritz (who lives in Jacksonville) search for an honest car dealer when I ran across your listing. When I told Fritz about this place, he suggested that I write to you inquiring about employment opportunities.

I don't know if you have any available openings, but I think I would be more than qualified to operate a forklift at your warehouse. I have had nearly twelve years' experience at different warehouse positions, including two years as a shipping assistant at Yoshida (a sauce manufacturer).

I am more than willing to relocate to Jacksonville if I can get a job there as a forklift operator. My hours, salary, benefits and other details can be worked out at a later time. Right now, I am just enthusiastic about this opportunity to move in with my cousin. (And he can't wait for me to come down there, as he lives alone and injures himself frequently on furniture and kitchen appliances.)

I do not have a resumé prepared yet, but I will send you one when I hear from you. At present, I don't have a phone line of my own (I call Fritz from a pay phone three blocks down the street), so all correspondence will have to be made by mail.

May I just say that it has been as much of a thrill writing to you today as it will be to receive your reply! Many thanks for your time!


S. William Kost

P.S. If I will be required to wear a uniform, I wear a 3XL shirt and 46-inch waist pants.


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