The Prank Letters of S. William Kost

Over the last ten years, I have written dozens of joke letters, sometimes under pseudonyms, to companies large and small in America and around the world. Many of these companies have written back.


Monday, February 27, 2006

DowBrands (Ziploc) 3/31/96

S. William Kost
P.O. Box 598
Clackamas, OR 97015

March 31, 1996

DowBrands L.P.
Attn: Cust. Service, Ziploc Division
P.O. Box 65811
Indianapolis, IL 46268-0511

Dear Gripper Zippers,

I have been using your Ziploc Freezer Bags, Storage Bags and Sandwich Bags for many years now, and I have found that nothing keeps food fresher, longer than your product does. Especially those junky Glad bags; I don't really trust that yellow-and-blue-makes-green junk, anyhow. What about color-blind individuals, huh? Did you ever think that you might be confusing the heck out of us?!! (Talking to Glad, not you.)

Anyway, I was talking about how good your bags are with my nephew, Fritz (who is not color-blind), and he said he read somewhere that you once made a Ziploc bag so big, it could completely contain a suburban post office! Is this true? How cool! Of course, if I was inside the post office, checking my P.O. Box or something, I probably wouldn't think it was so cool, because I'd be suffocating, and the way those bags tend to fog up, it'd be hard to see outside, and all of the stamps would get ruined from all the moisture and everything. Unless it was one of those special vegetable bags with the little air holes, in which case it would be okay, because then I could breathe. That might be kind of cool.

So is it true that you made this humongous Storage Bag? If not, what is the biggest bag you've ever fabricated? Is it even bigger than the one Fritz told me about? I would very much like to hear back from you about Big Bag Facts. (If you have a pamphlet, could you make sure it's in black and white? I think you know why.)

Forever Locking In Freshness,

S. William Kost

P.S. Do you have any Ziploc T-shirts (XL)? Mine has holes.

Dear Mr. Kost:

Thank you for your comments concerning ZIPLOC® Storage Bags. It is not often that people take time to contact a manufacturer to compliment its products. Your comments about the quality of ZIPLOC Storage Bags are most encouraging, and I assure you that we appreciate them.

It is our sincere desire at DowBrands to offer only quality products to consumers. Comments such as yours are certainly convincing evidence that we are succeeding. In answer to your question on the zipping up of a post office building, we have never made such a big bag.

Please accept the enclosed coupons with our compliments. If you aren't already using some of these products, we know you will enjoy using them as much as you currently enjoy ZIPLOC Storage Bags.

Thanks again, Mr. Kost, for your interest in our products and for taking time to contact us. It is always a pleasure to hear from a satisfied customer!

Jody Long
Communication Specialist
Consumer Affairs


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