The Prank Letters of S. William Kost

Over the last ten years, I have written dozens of joke letters, sometimes under pseudonyms, to companies large and small in America and around the world. Many of these companies have written back.


Monday, August 14, 2006

President of GE 3/11/01

By this point, I hadn't written any letters for a while, and then, after becoming inspired by the prank letters of Ted L. Nancy, I decided to begin the campaign again, using different character names instead of my own. This one was a one-time character, used for obvious reasons...

Jeffrey R. Immelt, third bongo

P.O. Box 598
Clackamas, OR 97015

March 11, 2001

Jeffrey R. Immelt, Chairman & President
General Electric Company
3135 Easton Turnpike
Fairfield, CT 06431-0001

Dear Mr. Immelt,

Well, I think it's absolutely AWESOME that your coompany is the biggest and best in the world! You don't get 400 billion dollars a year by being second best, right? No, you get it by being FIRST best! And that's just what GE is, the first best! I try to remember to buy only GE light bulbs when I need new ones. And I only watch NBC, because it's MUST-SEE TV!

I'll get right to the point here. In case you haven't noticed yet, Mr. Immelt, my name is also Jeffrey R. Immelt. Now, I'm sure that your R doesn't stand for the same thing as mine, which is Renschrawt, but still, it's Jeffrey R. for both of us! Well, I guess the point of me writing this letter to you is to make a promise to you.

Since you are the leader of the biggest company in the world, and I am just the third bongo of a small bongo band in Portland Oregon, I guess it goes without saying that your reputation is a whole lot more valuable than mine is, right now. But see, the thing is, our band isn't going to be small for long. We are going to make it big, and not just in Portland, either. We'll be big all over the world, the same world that your GE is the biggest company in. And I'm not always going to be third bongo, either. I'm about to be promoted to second bongo, which is huge considering how we're right on the edge of the BIG TIME.

So anyway, my promise to you, Mr. Immelt, is that no matter how big our band gets, I will never do anything to damage our common name. What I mean is, I'll try to never do anything that will make people think that someone named Jeffrey R. Immelt is a bad guy, and just a rock star jerk, or anything like that. I'm all about the good times and having fun, not trashing hotel rooms and snorting heroin. Also, with my wife being 7 months pregnant with our first son, there's the decision of whether or not to name him Jeffrey R. Immelt, Jr!

Well, I hope you have had time to read this letter, but if you don't that's alright. I understand that you probably have more important things to do, like making 400 billion more bucks! My van's leaving for Estacada, so I've got to go now. When I get a chance I'll send you a tape.

Peace and Power,

Jeffrey R. Immelt

I was astounded to receive this reply, handwritten on GE company letterhead:

Dear Jeff,

Thanks for your nice note. What a great name...huh?

Good luck with the band, and with being a father...I hope you enjoy both. I'll try to make you proud of GE and me. Buy junior a few shares of stock for his portfolio.

I wish you the best in everything. You were so nice to think of me.



Blogger Future Trash said...

This is one of my faves. Nice work.

7/25/2008 5:37 PM  
Anonymous Nice Letter from a Nut! said...

That's actually pretty good! The whole premise of having the same name is definitely Nancy-ish. I can't believe the reply you got haha.

11/13/2010 8:51 PM  

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