The Prank Letters of S. William Kost

Over the last ten years, I have written dozens of joke letters, sometimes under pseudonyms, to companies large and small in America and around the world. Many of these companies have written back.


Wednesday, March 15, 2006

Circuit City 10/22/96

S. William Kost
P.O. Box 598
Clackamas, OR 97015

October 22, 1996

Dear Manager,

I am a retired individual living in an apartment all alone. I don't like to get out much at all, except to buy groceries, and collect and post the mail. I don't own a car, and I don't ride the bus, ever. Simply put, I'm a hermit.

However, there are times which require my leaving the place for very necessary reasons. See, my refrigerator is on its last leg, and darnit if I can't get the landlord to do anything about it. I know I need a new fridge (the greens ain't staying green for too long), but I would really prefer to shop for a new one by choosing it at home. This way, of course, I don't have to be outside of my apartment for very long.

I subscribe to the Sunday Oregonian, and last issue came with one of your advertisements. I was of course looking for a good deal on a fridge, and yours was the only ad I could find with a fridge for sale. I liked what I saw, but there is a nagging question which I would need to clear up. In the picture of the Amana 24.5 Cu. Ft. model, I see that it is well-stocked with various grocery items. Would I be able to get an inventory of the items which come with that model? Also, when looking closely at the picture (nice photo work, by the way), I notice that there is a gallon of Minute Maid Orange Juice. I must say, that is quite a generous portion, one gallon, but may I substitute another brand (preferably Tropicana)? I had a bad case of the runs after drinking a glass of Minute Maid a few years ago, and ever since, the mere sight of the stuff gives me gas.

So, if these questions could be answered soon, I'd appreciate it. And remember, Tropicana, not Minute Maid. Thank you.

Please Don't Call,

S. William Kost

P.S. Does Circuit City actually have a mayor, or is it just a catchy name?



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